An Ode to Adjustment

In 2011, we stretched out into an additional 800+ square feet of house and a swagger wagon of sorts  that will seat seven. We have a flock of eight hens,and spent most of the year caring for our dog and that of our best friends who relocated overseas. My hair grew. Additional weight accumulated. We even accrued unforeseen debt; some out of necessity (is that an oxymoron?), some out of stupidity.

I'm not bragging or complaining or lamenting. I'm just saying.

It's been a strange thing. In a year that in some not-so-small ways has been more about acquisition than winnowing – buying a larger home, a larger vehicle, a larger stock of animals – it's felt strange and difficult and somehow false to write about winnowing, at least the kind that I had grown so accustomed to when we were trying to abide – two adults, three children, ten fish*, and one dog – in just over 1100 square feet. If not completely false, I have at least felt duplicitous in a lot of areas; high ideals and aspirations to steward, save, sift, and shift, but mediocre execution.

2011 held the certainty of change for us. The whole year was about finding the fit into new realities: a new home, Brilliant Beauty's last year in elementary school (gulp), best friends moving to Asia, the singularly most travel-intensive year ever for Ma Luffin' Mayun (40+ days out of the country), and the constancy of flux that comes with a 4- and 2-year-old.

Hm. It makes sense that there would be a jarring of my status quo winnowing woman self.

I don't know where I'm going with all of this. I might feel that an apology should be made or an excuse attempted for not writing much here of late. In fact, I know I feel that way. But I realize that to make an apology for shifts and changes and seasons is a lot like seeking forgiveness for growing pains in your legs during the middle of the night. Once again, it just is what it is, and I think I'll not apologize this time.

I feel steadier now. Like I have my sea legs back under me for faring the waves of winnowing, separating the good from the bad, in 2012. I hold in my heart a well-spring of gratitude for all we gained in 2011, even in our losses.

And here will once again be the narrative. I don't know if you will read it, if you are still reading. But I do know this: I will write it.  

*We winnowed the fish - um - unintentionally.  We're down to 6.