simply be with me

It’s been a good week, but it’s been a hard week; sickness and busyness, some of the stuff of life.  I got out of sync with my sleep and stayed up too late for several nights.  Although I was still able to get myself up and going in the mornings pretty close to my new earlier wake time, I felt like I was dragging through the mornings instead of being rested, energized, and ready for the day.  It’s felt like I’m a step behind and playing catch up.  I know that’s to be expected when you’ve been sick, but it’s tough to feel like you’ve lost some momentum on forward motion.

Today I could feel a funk trying to settle in.  Dishes and laundry are caught up; the house is not chaotic – full of happy messes, but not chaotic.  But what feels off is that I just haven’t spent much time these last days in those quiet first minutes of my morning reading the Bible and praying.  I’ve missed it.  And if I’m honest with myself, it’s disappointing to see that my default setting – my auto-pilot – in a week where I feel a little more pressed than usual by sickness or busyness isn’t to turn towards and push deeper into Jesus, but rather to find comfort or distraction in lesser things: to scroll facebook all day or to stay up too late watching movies or to sleep in a little longer.  There are countless lesser things and they still draw my attention. 

I have so much to learn about being in relationship with God.  When I see myself resistant to investing that time in reading and prayer, I realize I don’t see that time spent as relationship-building, but laborious and tiresome.  And when I feel like I should beat myself down for not showing up to “our appointment” each morning, I realize I’ve complicated it, and view the standing of our relationship as if it hinges on my adherence to (or neglect of) religious practices.  I still have so much to learn about being in relationship with God.

He’s loved me all week.  He’s taken care of me, heard me talk to him all throughout the days.  He’s shown himself in conversations and skies and the faces of people I love.  He’s healed my body and refreshed my outlook.  He wants the time with me.  I have no doubt that he’s got something special for me carved out for those early-morning times, even when I don’t show up.  But he’s not limited, even when I limit him.  And when I’m limited, he’s still not.

I still have so much to learn about being in relationship with God.

I’m thankful for a little time in my car by myself tonight, for time to think and remember.  I’m thankful for this song playing through the CD player, for the words and the truth.  The verse is to him, and the chorus is to me.

What can I do for You? 
What can I bring to You? 
What kind of song would you like me to sing? 

'Cause I'll dance a dance for You
Pour out my love to You
What can I do for You,  beautiful king? 

'Cause I can't thank You enough.
I can't thank You enough.

What can I do for You? 
What can I bring to You? 
What kind of song would you like me to sing? 

'Cause I'll dance a dance for You
Pour out my love to You
What can I do for You beautiful king? 

'Cause I can't thank You enough.
I can't thank You enough
All of the words that I find, and I can't thank You enough.
No matter how I try, I can't thank You enough.

Then I hear You sing to me

"you don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute

Wait…this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here with Me
And love on Me a little longer"

I hear You say... 
"You don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute

Wait... this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here with Me
And love on Me a little longer

I'd love to be with you a little longer
'Cause I'm in love with you

There’s still so much to learn.  But mostly to love . . . and be loved.